She is

She is a stubborn women who secretly cares for people.

Her ego stop people from loving her, but it also led her to be independent.

How does it feels to become someone who cares for everyone but never show it.

Her surfaces that was seen to other people is – she was that kind of girl who need no one to survive.

But, she made it until today due to everyone around her.

And because she never show it. People left her.

Not once or twice, but so many times until she become speechless.

She was egoistic. However, she was never the selfish kind of girl. She need them but she wants the best for them.

She learned to let go.

Letting go the people that she cared most was never easy every time.

Even if it happens for the thousand times, it stills unbearable.

People questioned her. They say she was heartless and she let people down a lot.

But those questions were just questions.

Her answers were beyond your logic.

She was a magnificent thinker. She took everything into account and she already knew what was going on.

She had a perspective people never seen.

She couldn’t take any emotional burden not because she was weak.

The truth is- She felt everything already, she does not need to be reminded.

The grief inside her was not settling.

And she was never that kind of person to speak out her sad feelings.

But she channels herself into something.

If only people around her were aware enough.

Her appetite, her music’s list , her smile , her eyes and her writings.

Her sadness will never come in a form of speech.

She puts it in a way only people with effort could see.

By then, she saw there was not much people who cared anyway.

But she still does.

For her, everyone have a special place in her heart.

And everyone deserves to be remembered as who they are.

No one should take over other people spot.

People come and go.

But that is alright, no one is getting less.

Because love grows.

And so does she.

 

 

 

Study Week

Aloha Amigos,

Rough month everyone . It seems that I have left this blog for almost a month and honestly I couldn’t find any proper time to really sit down and write my thoughts. I barely had any time for myself. I even uninstalled my Instagram for the purpose to reduce my personal online time and focus on what is real – which is my upcoming finals.

However, despite being successful in staying away from Instagram – I end up finding myself playing candy crush and Ding! Ding! Ding! I finished 86 levels in just 3-4 days.

I don’t know if that is something to be proud of or that is just another silly proof of why I can’t stay away from my phone.

Anyway, all this exam thingy – they got into everyone’s head. Students are stressing out because apparently we all are chasing the perfect four flat score for the sake of applying scholarship. And for those who already on sponsor, they are also struggling to keep the flow of cash into their account.

It appears everyone is on hot seats. I have my own struggles too. Having to decide whether to sleep or study is a real struggle. Indeed it is.

Despite being stress , I can also guarantee you our stress level perhaps fluctuate at certain times only, meanwhile – the rest of the days seems to be stress-free for no reason.

Perhaps because we were assured that it is normal to fail in medics, which is something that none of us should aim for in life. I mean, come on man. At least show a little effort and passion.  To those who are reading this, please do not attempt any of this negative thoughts at home or anywhere you are.

The thing is, kids- Do not study for the sake of exams. I always think that the best time to actually study is after any test or quizzes you have. At that time, you are not pressure to prove yourself. You are free to do anything , so when you decide to actually read on stuffs, you are genuinely doing it because you like it.

Also, study for the sake of the future. It hits me every single time I read something “I have to read carefully , this is going to be important in the future”. The best thing about knowledge is surely to apply them. It does not matter how – you could use it to solve problems or during teaching – but what matters is when? The future In shaa Allah.

Apart from that, another common things about study week is how much of mood swings we can get – playing with our hearts and minds and make us feel irrationally dumb and insane. One moment you lose your appetite , the next moment you can eat the entire elephant .

Elephant masak lemak.

Alright just kidding. ‘Incase any animal-humanitarian out there are hunting me for those statement. No, I did not eat any elephant.’

Not to mention the amount of 3 in 1 beverages we had consume for the past weeks. I fear the carcinogenic substances contained in all of the processed food will bring harm to me in no time but I also cannot deny how much I need it. You are not at home. There’s no warm food to make you feel like ‘ hey, study mode all day is okay.’ 

That one my friend, surely is hell.

Whatever it is, I’m looking forward for all this to end. Hopefully everything goes well for our upcoming exam. I really need a vacation right now.

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Throwback to the moment where I had a stomach ache and we were waiting for bus – Plus,Kamila being chatty to comfort me. 

That’s all for today. Thank you.

Assalamualaikum

Nandos month !

Aloha Amigos,

Seriously guys, I usually managed to update at least a post per week. Nowadays , I barely have time to even check on my blog. Is it dusty yet? I hope not. In compensate to that, I decided to briefly share what was happening for this entire month.

First and foremost, I officially declare this month as Nandos Month ! Because I went there for the forth time last week and the best part is that I went there with different people every time. The first one was with Mad and Ijat , seniors from school of dentistry USM. Also with my best buddies, Mirah and Bina. Lol, no picture taken. God why?!?

The second one was with Murnivengers. Basically Murnivengers is the name we gave to our squad who happens to be living in Murni residential in USM. Our rooms are nearby each other, so we pretty much are neighbor-squad. Here some tips, make friends with your neighbors. They are super duper fun.

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The third one was with Kamila and Zafeq. Kamila came to visit us here in Kota Bharu. She came all the way from Terengganu and I’m so flattered. The effort she took when she said she misses us, not just merely words. Can you imagine? I barely had any money at that time but if she makes a sacrifice , then so should I.  #tgfc4 Its good to have the evening talking with someone who used to spent weird life adventures with you.

The forth time I went there was with some of the Blackcurrent members, but I had my lunch there with my dear Mirah. Feels like a date . Wish Bina was here as well, feels incomplete without her.

So, that sums up my Nandos week. Even though so many things did happen actually but I couldn’t share everything right? Wait , yeah I remember something. During christmas holidays, we all didn’t go home so we went for food hunting. Where is the best place to get plenty of food early in the morning? Pasar Siti Khadijah ! Only in Kelantan, yes .

Bon, Azrul, Mirah, Bina and I – we went there as early as 8 and had our breakfast there. Lontong, Capati and roti canai. Afterwards, we went strolling in the market and got ourselves lots of kuih (malaysian desserts) .

However, one of our mistakes was when we didn’t invite Ameerul to the market as well. Ameerul, or so-called-prof, sulks for the entire week. Sorry, but just so you know, it would be so much better with you prof. Sorry again hehe.

I guess despite having a stressful month, because of the upcoming finals. I still managed to go out and eat. Work load increase. Stress level increase. Food hunting decrease. Sleeping increase too. Plus, Eating in constant manner. Conclusion? Still survive.  What to expect when you’re in med school , right?

I guess that’s all for this post.

Thank you

Assalamualaikum.

MIVG 2016 🥇

Aloha Amigos,

So as promised, here are the post on MIVG which stands for Medical Inter Varsity Games . And this year MIVG was held at UKM Bangi and received around 2000+ participation. Making it the biggest involvement of students from various universities and colleges since 2009. Also , this year marks the year USM finally send a contingent of athletes consists of 134 medical students from all five batch. How interesting !

So to be fair, the person in charge for each game did a selection session to decide on a team. Despite being a first year student – with a not really that steadfast skills – the seniors accepted me to be a part of their team. Perhaps for exposure purpose but I’m thankful anyway. Especially, those practices with them before the game really helped me to improve a lot. The best one I had was the last game during the test court session. Thanks seniors. Yeay Volley ball team !

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I’ll pretend I did not miss playing with them

Day 1

We went to UKM on the night of 8th December and arrived 9th December morning. Check in into our rooms , went for breakfast then straight to the court to do some practice. That evening I did nothing but sleep and then Qaisara, Hariz and I went for food hunting around Bangi ! Originally we wanted to try Mee Tarik but then , as suggested by the our grabcar driver, he sent us to have sate Kajang. Which is quite okay but my favorite part is when we went for strolling around the food truck areas.

So many food trucks and so many food to choose from! I bought a bowl of toppoki (a korean dish) because I have been craving for it. But it got more interesting when Qaisara and I found out that Hariz never taste one, so we gave him a try of the snack. He took a bite and make such an odd face with funny comments. Eventually, I think he likes it. However to be honest, not the best topokki out there. I still think topokki from Dubuyo is the best one I’ve taste so far.

Okay done with food hunting. We went back to hostels and get some rest. The very next day was our game day !

Day 2

That morning we had to assemble at the foyer as early as 7 AM because we had to attend the morning ceremony. All athletes wore the official contingent jersey and yes the spirit that morning was on fire ! Everyone were excited for their games .

Basically my day was going to opening ceremony, went to volleyball match, support other member’s games and sleep. That night had dinner with friends and sleep. Sounds simple but the memories were precious and I’ll keep it to myself. hehe

About the volleyball matches , there were many complications and problems arises due to the management team. Also, some players who misunderstood the rules and regulations.I prefer not to tell here, feel free to ask about my experience if you are interested.

Of course its not happening to just volley players, almost other players from different games had the same experience too. But, we had our lesson and next year we know how to deal with this. In shaa Allah.

I also met a few of my friends from pre-med and it felt great to come to a place where not everyone is a stranger. But we didn’t get to spend much time due to everyone’s busy schedules.

Day 2

I woke up early that morning thinking that I had to assemble at 7, but turns out it was only for those involved in competitions. Supporters are going by bus at 9. And so I cleaned my room and went for breakfast with the seniors. How lovely.

Until someone suddenly make an appearance with her white high heels and gorgeously looking like she’s going to a prestige dinner. Yes you kill with that look. Ahahahaha she wore it so well to the extend she felt insecure thinking that she might be over-dress. Or maybe she did not? One glance at her and you know it- yep its Nadia Iman.

I literally hang out with her , from watching to Amirah 1500 m long distance running to watching Alice’s tennis games. We all went out for lunch that after afternoon and thank you Alice for everything. No, thanks everyone for a warmth and lovely lunch.

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Afterwards, we went back to the stadium and supports our member till the rest of the event . I sincerely admirer all the seniors that went to MIVG on how supportive and skillful they are. Track and field contestant basically swipe all those gold , silver medals and we were all so proud of them.

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Look at our little Mirah running ! 

We went back to hostel , packed our stuff and leave UKM that night. A little part of my heart muffled in silence, I was tired and wanted to go home but at the same time I enjoyed being there so much. However , every good thing need to come to an end.

That night we went to IOI,  bought ourselves some dinner and went all the way to USM. Our bas was the second to arrive, around 7.30 AM.

Was playing truant worth it for MIVG? Indeed yes. I would definitely try harder and participate again next year, In shaa Allah. Oh yes , USM was the first-runner up with the most medals !

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I guess that’s all for this post. Sorry it took longer than promised.

Thank you.

Assalamualaikum.

 

 

Sunaton ! ✂️

Aloha Amigos !

I have left my blog for two weeks already and this is absolutely not good. So, my dear readers I have comeback with two interesting post , this one about Sunaton program and another one is my experience during Medical Intervarsity Games. Don’t forget to read both!

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TQ mr photographer for a nice candid !

By the way – what is Sunaton?

Sunaton is an event where doctors did their voluntary job to circumcise Muslim’s boys. This year, Emergency Department of HUSM and collaboration with Medical Society are offering the medical students if they want to join , thus gaining experience and learning the circumcision process.

Unfortunately , the event was held during week days so the seniors cannot make it. All the participants were only from first year medical students and it’s hard to fill the quota since most of us had PBL ( compulsory for medic students) and the second day was lecture and practical. Majority of us doesn’t want to skip the practical.

So for our very first day, we were assigned to go to SK Sungai Pas Kuala Krai. It was a primary school with hostels. Basically, the students living there are kids from age 7 to 12 and they are the children of the locals.

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The school are one of the government effort to help those families with low income especially after the the massive flood. The children there receive 6 meals per day and the school was a convenient place  for them to study.

But I do hope they can get some improvement in terms of facilities and books.

As we arrived, we (the first year students who volunteer to help) were clueless and we started to question our existence. Like “Why am I here in the first place and what was I suppose to do?”. But then, one of the doctors involve offered us to come in. He told us to wear the gloves,apron and mask. And he told us to go and watch the surgery.

We did as he told – and it was awkward in the first place. Eventually, we all get used to it after the first one.

Each doctor seems to have their own technique not just in terms of surgery skills but also through their communication. Some are a bunch of funny lads – who teases the children and make people laugh a lot , perhaps they were trying to get rid of the white coat syndrome in the little children. Some are very gentle and decent, they really show their concern and they would spontaneously blurt ‘sorry’ to the smallest whine from the kids .

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Thank you kids for entertaining us.

I learned a lot that day,from anatomy of penile, types of suture and to the homeostasis process. I still recall from my experience that the artery that causes bleeding is superficial external pudendal artery . How could I forget when he (the doctor) demand an answer and I hastily took out my phone and try to google in the middle of surgery. AHAHAHA

Apparently , we were there as their assistants and I’m happy with such title. At least I went there with nothing and come back with priceless memories.

One of the moments that almost got me in tears is when some of the anesthetic drugs injected into the boys aren’t really effective. Those boys had to bear the pain of the surgery. While they screamed and cried, the difficult part is not because of the children. It was the feelings of their parents and guardians. You can see how worried they are towards their children, how they hugged them and try to ease the situation. Their faces speak the emotions and because there was nothing I could do except assist –  I also prayed the surgery would be over soon.

However, there were also moments of hilarious that we all couldn’t help but smiled and giggled. There were boys who recited Surah from al-Quran through out the whole procedure , there were also boy who shouted pain at the top of their lungs. Of course, there were also boys who stayed quiet all the way but you could read from his face how hard he tried to look cool. Nice one kiddo !Ahahahaha Screaming, shouting and crying voices suddenly becomes norm of the day.

The very next day, we went to Mini RTC Kok Pasir Mas and it was festive !

They had a fire engine to shower the little boys just before the circumcision . Before that, each boys were fed with ‘pulut semangat’ as a custom – to give the boys support before the surgery. But still, there were some boys who made the effort to run away. Ahahaha A few hospital staff had to hug him and carried him into the room. So much drama.

Honestly, those two days were very meaningful to me- I never thought it was going to be that fun. Plus, I was there with the best people . Oh one more thing, we were well fed for both days and yes the food was amazing. In love with makanan kampung. ❤️

I guess that’s all for this post- tho i did not manage to cover everything.

Thank you for reading.

Assalamualaikum.

Karnival Kampus 2016

Aloha amigos,

So another rough week is over, another weekend well spend? I don’t know about that but I didn’t spent any time on books or lecture notes as well. The highlight for this week would be the Karnival Kampus and it was absolutely tiring. I am quite disappointed with myself for not being able to do all my job properly.

I was already part of the sponsorship team , and then I volunteer for the Spa under Health and Fitness exhibition team. And I also involve in the frisbee competition as a player. Everything happen at the same time and unfortunately I couldn’t duplicate nor could I teleport myself to all places to overcome this overlap incident.

I’ve learned my lessons. Take one step at a time, take one job at a time.

So here are a few posters we used to promote the program.

Despite having all the trouble , I enjoyed being part of the sponsorship team. There are so many things to learn from polishing my communication skills to writing letters and emails. Seriously , I thought it was an easy job. But wait until you got rejected over and over through phone , and dealing with random personalities of people. Some were very nice but there were also some who I assume doesn’t know what civics and manners are. Major thanks to Edward for giving me such opportunity.

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Edward treat us for caramel latte!

He was extremely nice , they way he treated us was beyond expectation. May God bless Edward ! And the rest of the team. Yeay.

So done with sponsorship. Now lets proceed with Frisbee. Congratulations to our team-Blackcurrent- for winning the sixth place! Out of six competing team . hehe. Despite losing the competition , what important is that we all had fun and appreciate each other best effort ! We are looking forward to improve our performance and compete for inter year In Shaa Allah.

Juan also got injured while playing so I hope he get well soon. So nice of the others, they took him to emergency department to consult the doctor.

But undeniable , our team had the prettiest jersey okay !

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Blackcurrent is my kesayangan.

The highlight for this carnival would Malam Kebudayaan and I freaking love it. Either you are from USM or not, I think you should come and experience the night because you literally would be entertained by all the performances from different cultures and races. My favorite performance was by my Indian friends – you know how festive their dances can get. And I love it ! I keep repeating to them that they did an excellent job. Plus, my PBL members Puvan and Thenan were also one of the dancers , so that add up to why I love that performance.

Overall that night, I believe it was a great way to unite every races. I guess they achieved their goals ! If I had a little sister or brother, or children – I would definitely take them to attend this kind of event. I would want the kids to learn and have exposure of how diverse our cultures are but we can still sit together , put away all differences and have fun . Also, to make the children understand that skin color, religion and different tradition shouldn’t be a barrier to make peace with everyone and accept other people as who they are.

I actually got a free pass to enter the concert but I bought the ticket anyway and enjoyed my VIP seat. HAHAHA. Its not really that expensive , RM10 for a spectacular night? Awesome.

So , what else did I do ? I have blurred memory either because I took me too long to finish this one post so I’m having a hard time to recall, or I was just being high all week. But as long as I spend it with friends, I’m still good. Not just friends tho, they’re like family here.

Even simple dinner feels very privileged.

The outcome if this week would be – paperwork for Sunaton is finally approved ! Now execution phase ! pheww. We even went for sushi after that. Ameerul and Amirah is so far the best sushi dates partner I ever had. We don’t even ate that much, but maybe because we shared every sushi on each plate, we were full of each other. Furthermore, we were trying to save money. So I guess thats all for this post.

Till we meet again.

Thank you.

Assalamualaikum.

A pocket size stress

Aloha amigos,

Apparently , there is one thing I learn this week. Stress will never be over, they are continuously there and bugging us. The secrets of having a stress-free life is not to escape them, but to manage them properly. I had lots of things circulating around me, plus my studies started to weigh on me now. Its getting harder from time to time. But In shaa Allah, I’ll get through this.

I had few friends who motivates me and believe in me, so why not I put trust on myself too right? Sometimes, when it gets too hard. Just lean on someone, never perceives it as a weakness. Most importantly, leans to Allah swt. The weaker you felt you are, the more you will realize how vast of a blessings you are given all this time.

Also Alhamdulillah, I’m very thankful that Allah provide me the chance to enter the intervarsity competition . I went to the volleyball selection for two days in a row, crossing my fingers . I don’t know whether I’ll get it or not, but it was worth trying. Now that it is confirmed , that means I get to play and meet the premed squad again ! Yes !

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excited for you guys !

Another good news is that, I was choosen to be part of the high committee of sekreteriat sukarelawan. Thanks to Abe Mad of course. I’ll take this chance and use it wisely.

But the consequences of that is, for tonight I had three meetings simultaneously. I couldn’t probably go to the hefex meeting, so I’m sending my partner Mai to represent us. For now, I decided to go to the sekreteriat sukarelawan meeting and then proceed to medsoc meeting. The reason why is because medsoc meeting are held for two days. So , why not sacrifice one of them. I didn’t mean to do that because I am ready to commit to medsoc but then I couldn’t let go the chance of being a part of volunteering team.

Apart from that, yesterday was Azrul’s birthday. Happy belated birthday! and with that I officially mark a record for the person who said the most wish. Imagine, I wish that in every whatsapp group we shared.  Including a personal birthday wish so the total would be 6. The others frisbee members were very keen to prank him. You had no idea how festive the whatsapp group had been before the prank began. I’m not really a fan of doing a birthday prank, but looking how excited everyone else gets. I couldn’t say no, was it fun? Indeed hilarious.

We ended up getting flour all over the floor and yes we all had to clean that afterwards. ahahahahaha is this what birthday suppose to look like? I don’t know. I do like celebrate birthday, just not mine. Because it will be the day I started to miss everyone who used to celebrate them with me. And they are not there for me.

But life moves on right? Instead of looking far backwards or too future forward, we should just stay and live in the moment. Appreciate the power of – NOW.

A little throwback won’t hurt right? My 19th birthday was simple but the idea that my friends were trying hard to make it special is what matters the most to me. It was another boring day, simple speeches and emoji as birthday wishes. Nothing extraordinary. I was reading al Quran and once I was done , they barged in and brought over cake and pizzas ! Poor fakin. They were waiting for me to finish reciting al Quran for quite a while outside the house. I was pleased and amused. Thanks baby girls.

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Thanks fakin for making my 19th birthday meaningful

Last but not least, before you decided that you can’t take it anymore. Take a really deep breath and convince yourself, bad days will pass and a greater future awaits. Let go of your stress. Don’t fear failure , fear the security of having success because they teach you nothing but ego and arrogance. Thank you Allah.

That’s all for today. Till we meet again

Thank you.

Assalamualaikum.